Peer Pressue

The other day as I was driving to school, I was listening to the morning talk show on the Christian radio network. The woman DJ brought up a really interesting topic: the pedastool that society puts on Christians. She had mentioned a popular athlete who was considered a "devout Christian" and really wanted to know the difference between an athlete or celebrity who is devoted to God compared to a normal person, say you and me, who is devoted to God. Why is that celebs and athletes are called "devout Christians" but we are just called Christians?
Is it b/c they are in the spotlight? Maybe the fact that they have so much peer pressure on them and can still maintain their faith in God shows that they are devoted? One could argue that however, and say that even though I am not a celeb or a famous athlete, I still have peer pressure in my life too, and people in their own ways, tell me my faith is wrong.
So what makes you devoted really? Going back to a previous blog, how many Christians do you really know who call themselves Christians, but maybe not follow the ways of Jesus? How many celebrities do you know who call themselves Christians but maybe not follow the Word? Take Candace Cameron-Bure for example (DJ from Full House). She is known in Hollywood for being a Christian, her and her brother Kirk Cameron, but in her new show, Make It or Break It, she is seen kissing a man on the show, while she is married in real life. So is she being a devout Christian? Her brother Kirk has a rule in his contract that he refuses to have any intimate scenes with women b/c of his respect for his wife and their valves. In fact, in his movie Fireproof, at the end when Kirk's character kisses his wife, it's in shadow effect and that is instead, his real-life wife.
Am I a devout Christian? I will be honest- I still make mistakes. What about when it comes to others? God says to love one another right? Okay- so there is this girl in my class at school. The only way to describe her so you get what I am saying is: DIFFERENT. And that might be an understatement. I believe this girl has a learning disability and just seems a little off. When I first encountered her in my class, my reaction as a person was to laugh at her with my friends and maybe roll my eyes when she talked. Then I realized what I was doing was very wrong and I wasn't being a good Christian and I felt like a hypocrite. It was so easy to get wrapped up into the peer pressure of my friends. But then God helped me turn it around. I started to talk to this girl. I began to speak to her during class and saying hi to her as I walk by in the hallways. Once I started talking to her, some of the girls in class did as well. Now, this doesn't change the fact that she still seems a little off, but at least now I can look past that and be kind to her and treat her the way a person deserves to be treated. I truly believe that having the help of God and my faith has helped me with this.
My faith has really inspired me to want to keep improving myself. To be the person who can be a good role model to her peers. My silly goal is to be the girl that everyone points to and says "Oh her, yea she's really nice and so kind. She will totally make you feel comfortable." B/c that's what I want to do. I don't want anyone to be uncomfortable in any situation and if my kind words or just a simple hello can help ease their uncomfortableness, then that's what I need to be doing. Jesus set the bar and I need to be in constant reach for that bar.

Having Peace

Today in my Children's Ministry class we started a new series about Peace. As I was reading over the lesson plan, I realized that it was a lesson that I needed to focus on myself. The memory verse of the month is "So let us do all we can to live in peace. And let us work hard to build each other up." -Romans 14:19. Living in peace seems so easy right? But it's not. Can you imagine actually living in peace 100% of the time with your spouse, or your kids or the noisy neighbor who just refuses to turn down the radio? So how do we do it?
In our lesson today, we focused on arguments. Sure it's okay to disagree with someone, but it's how we deal with that disagreement that matters. Proverbs 17:14 says "Starting a quarrel is like breaching a dam; so drop the matter before a dispute breaks out." Basically, the best way to stop an argument, is to never start one in the first place. Sometimes, you just need to "drop it, forgive it and talk in a peace-promoting way."
This is something I know all too well. My husband and I are your normal, married couple. For the most part, we get along and have a great time with each other. But, like in all marriages, we do have our disagreements. The one thing that differs between the two of us is how we deal with these arguments. I am a loud person. I yell and stomp around. Is it childish, sure, but that's how I deal with those types of emotions. My husband on the other hand is always very quiet until finally, he just snaps. So which one of us have a better way of handling these arguments? Psychologists would tell you that I have the better way at handling it because it's good to get out your emotions and not to have them bottle up. Others will tell you that my husband's way is good because he holds it in for long periods of time. However, all that built up tension has to come out- kind of like a bullet being released from a gun. It just had too much pressure. But the truth it, we are both wrong. It's not good to yell and scream and it's not good to become a bullet. So where do we go from here?
Well, Proverbs had it right. When my husband and I have our minor arguments, usually over money, they are little cracks being formed in our marriage. Then one day, let's say for example, my hubby forgets to take out the trash and then KABOOM!!! All those little cracks finally break. How many of us have had "fights" with our spouse where we bring up things from the past just to keep it going? Bringing up stuff from the past, which at the time, didn't bother us, is a selfish game that you are only trying to win. But to have peace is to "prove that you care more about others than winning an argument."
So what should my husband and I do? Maybe speak to each other in a more calm way? Or in his case, open up ahead of time to avoid a massive blow up. God wants us to be peacemakers. If I can't even be peaceful to my hubby in an argument, then what makes me think I will be peaceful to my boss or employers in an argument? The best way to go about changing this habit is to just pray. Sometimes you gotta ask God for help. We gave the kids a prayer and I thought it was really good and one that I had to recite for myself: Dear God, help me avoid staring fights or arguments, especially about truly small or unimportant things. Help me to avoid them even with the people who really bother me."
I pray that I can overcome this and I think I will. I believe peace comes with maturity and age. I still have growing to do in my faith, in my marriage and of course, in myself. "When we have peace in a world where getting even is the standard, we let others see a glimpse of God's amazing mercy and grace through our example."

God Will Have the Last Word

My hubby was in desperate need for a car. He has always been in "need" for a new car, but we could never afford it. We just figured that as long as it ran and got him from point A to point B, it would be okay. A while back, he had purchased a 1999, Volkswagon Jetta. He loved that car and literally drove it to death. Lately it has been falling apart on him. The mirror on the passenger side is being held up by Mighty Putty and the window is taped up to keep from falling back in the door (the land of no return). He has a leak in his anti-freeze, bad breaks and a dying transmission. He took it in to be looked at and the cost of the repairs just seemed too much for such an older model. The car was 11 years old.
So at the beginning of the summer, we started shopping around for new cars. My husband really wanted a new car since he had never owned a new car before, so on we went. We tried several different dealerships and banks for loans and after a couple months, it became evident that we were just going in circles and getting nowhere.
Although my husband and I are working on building our credit up, it's a process that takes time. Back in our late teens and early twenties, we weren't the brightest with money. Something we, of course, regret and a gained knowledge that we will hopefully pass onto our children one day.
So with bad luck on our side, I started praying. I remember my Pastor saying that when you feel hopeless, just pray. But to be aware b/c it may not be the answer you want. So I prayed. Then, my husband went to a dealership that said they should be able to work with us. We thought things were finally looking up, but instead, it turned out to be another denial.
I became frustrated. I was praying and my husband was a good man, he deserved a new car. I was thinking, How come God isn't providing? Can't He see we really do "need" one? So after a couple more days of praying, we finally found an answer and got an approval for a "newer" used car. It turns out, my husband had started praying with me. He said he didn't know where else to go and just went to God. It makes me wonder if God was just waiting for my hubby to ask Him for help, since it was his "need."
After a couple test drives and talks of finance, he settled on an 07 Ford Edge, in mint condition. A great car, even though it's not new. My pastor was right. It was my husband's prayers who were answered and wasn't exactly the answer he wanted (since he wanted a new car, but it's a very nice car that's reliable).
This whole story has reminded me of the scripture "But I will hope continually, and will praise You yet more and more." -Psalm 71:14. Even though I became frustrated, I still had hope and still prayed to God and so did my hubby.
"I waited patiently for the Lord;He inclined to me and heard my cry." -Psalm 40:1. Patience is something I sill need to work on in my prayers. Even though it had been months, if God wanted us to wait a year, then a year it would have been.
But last night, I did lay my head down before bed and gave thanks to God for providing for us. My friend had the best quote for our situation: "Our credit score said one thing, but God always has the final say!" <---- And this is so true. He will always have the last say!

Changing the Direction of Your Prayer

Today at church we started a new series called "David" which is based out of 1 and 2 Samuel. The beginning of 1 Samuel talks of a woman named Hannah. Hannah really wanted a child. She would pray and pray and was never given the gift of a child. Finally, after feeling hopeless and bitter, Hannah just feel and began praying to God for a child once again, but this time, changed the direction of her prayer. "In bitterness of soul Hannah wept much and prayed to the LORD. And she made a vow, saying, 'O LORD Almighty, if you will only look upon your servant's misery and remember me, and not forget your servant but give her a son, then I will give him to the LORD for all the days of his life, and no razor will ever be used on his head.'" -1 Samuel 1:10-11. Her prayer had changed from a "Hannah" focused prayer, to a God focused prayer.
This leads to the question: How many of my prayers are "me" focused? In most prayers, we find ourselves asking God for help, for some sort of guidance to handle whatever situation we are in. But why are we asking him? Are we asking because it's too hard to handle? God already knows what you are going through. "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it." -1 Corinthians 10:13. You have to ask yourself, "What am I doing that can advance God's kingdom?" When you pray, it's okay to ask for help, but how can God's help ultimately reflect back on him?
My pastor gave great advice when it comes to prayer and feeling bitterness towards God (for when you feel He isn't there or listening):
1.) God's power begins to works at the point of your hopelessness. -Just when you think you can't take anymore, that is when God will step in and tell you that you can. (Going back to 1 Corinthians)
2.) God will use your suffering, but don't assume you can decipher how. -In the story of Hannah, she wanted a child so much. Back then, for a woman to be barren, she was considered worthless or hopeless. When she first began praying for a son, it was for her own needs. But when her direction in her prayers changed, that was when God granted her a son and she gave birth to Samuel. Little did she know that it would be her son who would anoint David king.
3.) Just hold on. -Even if we think He isn't listening, He is. Sometimes He is just waiting for us to change the direction of our prayers. To pray more selflessly.
When I think about how I pray, I realize that I tend to pray with a "me" focus. Usually when I pray, I am mostly giving praises to God for providing me with so much, but when I do ask, I ask selfishly. I ask for things that serve no purpose for God's kingdom.
There were 2 key points to our sermon today that I really locked onto and will begin to apply to my prayers:
1.) Changing my "me" focused prayers to God focused prayers.
2.) Being emotionally real in my prayer. -Even in bitterness, Hannah still wept to the Lord. "I was pouring out my soul to the Lord." -1 Samuel 1:15.
Although I am honest with God when I pray, I also know that I don't always open my heart. I'm actually afraid of getting too emotional in my prayers. I only cry occasionally and usually when I do, I apologize to God. Can you believe that? I'm apologizing to God for being "too emotional" with him!! God ISN'T surprised. He already knew exactly what I was going to talk to him about and He CAN handle it.
I never thought that prayer would be something that takes practice, but it really is. What blows my mind is, when I pray with the kids during my ministry class, I can so easily pray with them and really reach out to God that he will show these kids the value of the lesson, but when it comes to myself, I get stuck and just ask for selfish things. I wonder why that is?
Guess it's time to do some prayer research by reading the prayers of Jesus and Paul (thanks to the advice from my pastor).

Friendship

Today was the birthday of one of my longest and dear friends. This woman has been in my life since I was about 8 years old. We grew up together. We were in Girl Scouts together, had sleep overs and even lived together in our first apartment during my first year in college. She is such an amazing, hard working and dedicated person and I am always so impressed to say that I have had a friend for 18 years now. It's such a great accomplishment. Most people have friends and then eventually grow apart from them, but no matter where the two of us are in our lives, we have always remained great friends.
Lately life has begun taking over. With me living in Virginia, focusing on my life, husband and school and with her being in Ohio with a husband, 2 kids and a job, time can get away from us. If it wasn't for social networking sites, we would hardly be able to keep up. But thankfully, we do find the time for each other and meet up at least once a year for a great chance to catch up.
Being her birthday, I decided to give her a call to wish her a happy birthday. We got to talking and ended up speaking for over 2 hours. A time amount that I was prepared for and expected. I always enjoy talking to my friend. She is so bright, intelligent and full of stories. Even just today, she had the most interesting stories about her "crazy" day. In Proverbs 17:17, it states that "A friend loves at all times, and is born, as is a brother, for adversity." My friend, along with a few others in my life, definitely fits this scripture. She loves me at all times and after 18 years, that's a long time. She is also there for me at times of difficulty. You can imagine that in 18 years of friendship, not all of them have been perfect. We have hit rough spots in our friendship and I had hit rough spots in my life. She was always there, and we would talk them through and be good as new.
She is someone that I admire and look up to. I am so thankful to have her apart of my life and trust that God will keep providing her for me. I think he knows that she is someone that I will always need. "Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their toil. For if they fall, one will lift up his fellow." -Ecclesiastes 4:9-10.
Happy Birthday to my friend.

Being Submissive to My Husband

On Thursday nights my husband works really late at his store. I usually take this time to do all the "girly" things that women need to do in order to stay looking young and vibrant. I figured if I start at 25, by the time I reach 40, I won't have much work to do. :)
So as I'm laying on the couch, with a face mask drying and cucumber peels freshly peeled off my eyes, I open up my bible to do some reading. I found a couple different passages that relate to women and marriage.
A wife of noble character is her husband's crown, but a disgraceful wife is like decay in his bones. -Proverbs 12:4
He who finds a wife finds what is good and receives favor from the Lord. -Proverbs 18:22
In the same way, their wives are to be women worth of respect, not malicious talkers but temperate and trustworthy in everything. -I Timothy 3:11
I have found myself on countless occasions during my prayers, thanking God for providing me with such an amazing man. My husband is one of the most hardest working men I know, tying with my dad. He provides for me in so many ways. With his endless love and support, I sometimes feel undeserving. After I separated from the Navy, my husband and I agreed that I just attend school full time and focus on my studies, leaving him to be the main provider, along with the help of my GI Bill. There are many nights he comes home sore and tired and has just enough time to eat, watch a tv show, and go to bed, just to wake up to do it all over again. My husband is my provider, my hero and my best friend.
But as a full time student, I get "stuck" with the responsibilities of playing the house wife. I have a full chore list almost daily involving dishes, laundry, cleaning, vacuuming, etc and it can get frustrating. On top of an occasional heavy homework load, I sometimes feel like I am being taken advantage of and accuse my husband of not pulling his weight around the house. He in return feels bad and will almost automatically head up stairs and finish whatever laundry is left over.
It wasn't until recently when I started reading about what the bible expected from a wife, that I realized I was being very hard on my already hard working husband. When I started to put God and my husband way above the top of the list, I started seeing them both in different and brighter lights. I try my best not to complain as much about my chore list, but I do have my occasional long days too and my husband is always sympathetic to my needs.
Although the bible has some old fashioned ways of women, I am starting to agree with the word. Wives should be submissive to their husband and in return, husbands should treat their wives with respect. -Ephesians. As a wife, I need to let my husband be the man he is meant to be. Going back to I Timothy, as a wife and a Christian, I also need to learn to NOT be a malicious talker. Easier said than done. This will become my greatest challenge as a wife- controlling my words. I feel that I am getting better the older I get and the closer I get to God. The more I lean on God, the less I tend to focus on everything else.
When it comes to love and keeping my marriage strong, it was my mom who gave me the best advice. Marriage is a covenant made in front of God and friends and family. My marriage is important to me and so is God and my husband. I know that marriages are not always easy and take work. So it's my mom's words that encourage me. Almost everyone knows the passage in 1 Corinthians, chapter 13- Love is patient, Love is kind. My mom's advice is to change the word Love to Jenny and recite the scripture that way. "Jenny is patient, Jenny is kind. Jenny does not envy, Jenny does not boast, Jenny is not proud. Jenny is not rude, not self-seeking,not easily-angered, and keeps no record of wrong doing. Jenny does not delight in evil but rejoices with truth. Jenny always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres." If I can say this statement truthfully, then my marriage will always be on the right track. I found this advice to be very helpful and true. I still have some work to focus on to make this statement absolutely true, but in the meantime, I will keep putting God and my husband first, being submissive to him, while wearing a smile as I'm folding the 4th pile of laundry for the week.

Singing Spiritual Songs

During my daily scripture reading I came across Ephesians chapter 5. "Be very careful, then, how you live- not as unwise but as wise, making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord's will is. Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead of, be filled with the Spirit. Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ." 15-20
My Pastor was actually just talking about something along these lines over the weekend. When you "become" a new Christian, your're heart becomes filled with the Spirit and everything seems to be so beautiful and you are full of gratitude. But over time, you settle or become comfortable and although you form good habits, like praying every morning or night or studying your bible and going to church, a lot of times new Christians forget the real beauty of Christianity, to be a follower of Jesus and to walk with him. You know those bracelets that say WWJD? Well turns out, that was actually great marketing. In your daily life, whatever situation you are faced with, you really should think, "What Would Jesus Do?"
How many Christians do you know that attend church, can quote scripture from out of nowhere and volunteer their time, but when it comes to how they live as a person, they appear to be very hypocritical? I'm sure most of us can think of someone. I hate to admit it, but I am also one of "those" Christians. As much as I would like to be a good Christian, it can be very hard in the society we will live in, especially where I live, in Washington, DC. I am surrounded by such greed and hate in people all the time. I also live in a world where, as a young woman showing kindness, it can be perceived as being naive and might eventually lead to me being taken advantage of and getting hurt. <--- a story we have all read one too many times.
It always starts out the same: I do my best to be a good Christian person and for the most part I am, but that one day when God challenges me with a difficult person, for example, a driver who cuts me off, I get angry and might mutter under my breath how stupid that driver was. I have failed the challenge. It is at this point, I become a hypocritical Christian.
So where do we find the spiritual songs to sing? The answer is beyond easy and I think that's what makes it so hard. It really is simple, just become a true follower of Jesus and always ask, What would He WANT me to do? Because when we truly become a follower, the songs will get louder and easier to hear. And when you've got such a great song playing in the background, how could you ever get angry?